I had a conversation with a friend recently about having expectations when it comes to relationships with the people in our lives. How having expectations can lead to disappointment. I told her that I have learned not to expect anything and then I don’t get hurt.
My friend’s view is that a person automatically has expectations of others at some level and so you can be let down no matter what. It is practically impossible not to have expectations.
So I have taken some time to stop and really think about what she said. I looked at the relationships that I have and have determined that those relationships that I have expectations from are relationships that are on solid ground. They are relationships that I trust and that I feel secure in. Do people make mistakes and let you down? Of course, no one is perfect. But those relationships don’t let you down on a regular basis and overall those relationships are a give and take kind of relationship. I feel that those people really care about me.
Then I look at the relationships that I don’t trust and I realize that over time I have come to lower my expectations or try not to expect anything at all from them so that I don’t get hurt. Am I disappointed? Absolutely! But just not as hurt as I would have been had I had a certain level of expectation on how I thought I should be treated. It is my way of protecting myself from getting hurt at the core.
I guess those are the relationships that I had in mind when I told her that I don’t have expectations any more. My mistake to group them all together. So yes, I still have expectations for those relationships that I feel secure in. For the most part they don’t let me down.
When I was looking for an image to attach to this blog I came across this phrase and it stuck with me. I think I will always hope that some of my relationships will fall on more solid ground but the expectation that they will is not there. I think this defines my thought very well. I will always hope but just not expect it.
I wrote this blog hoping to get your point of view. I want to hear from you. What are your thoughts on having expectations from others? Have you been hurt so many times in your life by others that you stopped having expectations? Or are you someone who is relentless and will always have expectations for humankind even if you get hurt over and over? Would love to hear what you think on this topic?
Small Moments In a Day 
You ask an interesting question – partly because I’m in a situation in which someone with whom I’ve worked closely for twelve years (my boss) has disappointed and angered me so much over the last year I now have extremely reduced expectations of him. I spent much of 2016 working to leverage a promotion, which would mean working with him much more closely. His actions have been so upsetting I no longer want the promotion – because I know now what I can expect of him, and it’s not good.
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I am sorry for your work situation but it sounds like it is better that you found out now what you can expect from this person before getting into an even closer work relationship with him. It really hurts deep when someone you thought you knew lets you down especially having known him for that long. It is hard to explain but I know many people have experienced it. It doesn’t get any easier as you get older though in fact I think it hurts worse.
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I think you may be right about it hurting worse as we get older. Maybe because as we get older we understand how important trust and respect are?
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I agree. Trust and respect seem to be hard to come by these days and they are so important in relationships.
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